Confessions of a Summer Failure

It's April 22 and I'm already really behind on summer. Now that we've passed Easter, that feeling of Summer Activity Dread is now stalking me. I'm fully aware that the organized parents of the world have had their June, July and August calendars filled with camps, classes and activities for several weeks already. I know this because a few weeks ago when I looked up swimming lessons for our own park district they were already filled. Also, I've been party to the "Are you going to do ____ this summer?" conversations many times since Spring Break. Confession: I AM NOT READY. I am so far from not ready. I have not even started. I have I small pile of things to look at that may become things we might possibly do during the summer, but the odds are very, very good that should I happen to get around to looking a those activity descriptions while also looking at our family calendar before the actual activity occurs there will be neither the space for an Olsen kid nor room in an Olsen budget for such things. Sigh. It's kind of sad to feel like summer is a failure ... in APRIL!

One of the worst aspects of modern parenting is the keeping up with the Joneses, especially since many-a Mama Jones tends to post her offsprings' most stellar moments on ye olde social media all the time. While I objectively know that my children do not need a full social calendar and in fact thrive on down time, it takes superhuman momma effort to keep reminding myself that just because the Chicago Parent weekend calendar is bursting with things to do this weekend, we do not need to attend one single event. There will be no parenting penalty for failing to provide cultural stimulation to all three children every single week. There are no guarantees that any of the children will get a scholarship or even attend a four-year private university if we sign them up for season-after-season of sports and activities. There is no magic number of grade school playdates that will assure a vibrant social life in later school years. There's even proof for this. Ever read or watched Freakonomics? If the research is to be believed, Jamieson and I have already set the kids on their life path. Now we just have to keep them fed and in clean clothes.

At the park 

So, on a day like yesterday I again "treated" my husband to the same anxious monologue about the merits of activities for the kids, but he said they are fine. He's right. Erik and Anna had the day off from school. Thanks to Facebook, I was aware that some friends were off doing exciting/fun/cultural things. (Note to self: Facebook is not helping your parenting.) What did we do? We went to our public library where we are known personally by several of the librarians. William and Anna enjoyed storytime. All three kids enjoyed filling our library cart. There is NO checkout limit, so 50 books came home with us. (Personally, I wish so many
of them had not been about Scooby-Doo, but that's another issue.) All three kids gleefully read books all the way home. We stopped at a favorite park to play. We read at home, where I was told how much they love books. We had some quiet time. When friends came home from school, the kids spent at least two hours playing outside with their buddies. When I had to ask Erik a question, he was in the midst of debating whether he was or was not "it."  No adults were mediating the game. At any one time, there can be at least 14 kids playing outside on our cul-de-sac. All I need to do to get my kids some physical fitness time is open the door after school or on a weekend. No fees to pay. No calendars to consult. It's the kind of childhood we often hear lamented as some relic of a lost time. My children have it to enjoy every day and I'm fretting that it's not quite enough. Silly mom. Seems like it will be a perfect summer after all.

Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think by Bryan Caplan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The research presented here, mostly culled from twin studies in the western world, provides anxious parents with two important facts. 1) Because so much of who children become is determined by genetics, it makes more sense to relax and enjoy their upbringing instead of trying to cram days full of enriching activities. 2)The usual excuses against having more (or any children) simply don't hold water. Children are healthier, safer, and more affordable(based on parents' real incomes) than they were in "the good old days" so, if you like your kids, and want to up the odds of children and grandchildren being a part of your life in your later years, have more children. Thankfully, the author is not trying to force a certain family size on anyone, simply pointing out that parenting need not be as stressful as we in the western world tend to make it. That's useful advice for parents of any number of children.


View all my reviews

William at play

Fall is my favorite season, and it's so perfect for playing outside. Just ask William who spent his outside time this morning "feeding" and hauling his stuffed animals friends. I love how this boy so adeptly mimics big-people life in his pretend play. He pulled the animals across the yard in the wagon, then gently placed them on the seats of the fort, picked up some Frisbees to fill with mulch and then put them in front of each animal as if it was breakfast time. The puppy dog also got several rides down the slide in William's lap. William's favorite toy tends to change from day to day, although certain critters tend to be requested at nap and bedtime. It's great fun to see him try to carry three large stuffed animals downstairs in the morning. He is a pack rat who loves to carry his stuff around. I'd like to get a picture of the three-animal carry since they do dwarf his little self, but he's very camera aware and will often dart off to his next activity before I can get a good shot. He's a busy one, but so very sweet. 

Orchard day!

We discovered a new favorite orchard on Saturday. The day was beautiful, just perfect for an orchard outing. We decided to try a new place this year since we are always on the hunt for places that are enjoyable for the kids, but not overwhelming in terms of crowds or prices. After a quick online search, we chose Honey Hill Orchard in Waterman. It was wonderful! 

Right off the bat, Erik was happy because our route out took us along Illinois-30, which runs parallel to train tracks the entire way. A few "diggers" here and there made William happy and Anna delighted in pointing out every porch or farm stand with a pumpkin. Arriving happy = day already a success. 

We overshot Waterman Road by a touch since it's one of these crazy roads that have a different name at different places. Unexpectedly, there was no giant sign pointing us in the right direction, and the sign at the farm was just the smallest little painted wooden apple sign. That's okay. We like understated. 

Anna brought Scout, her classroom's pet bear.
This weekend was her turn to bring him home.
He seems to want a piece of her donut!

Because we had already spent our morning in lazy Lego building, it was lunchtime once we arrived. So, we headed straight for the bakery's apple cider doughnuts. Oh. My. Such deliciousness!

Then it was time to check out the fun stuff. I just LOVE the fact that they have a small kids area, but it doesn't cost anything extra. There are two hay mazes and a petting zoo. It's not the buffet of fun that other orchards have, but everyone in our group was happy. Climbing stuff, yummy stuff, and furry stuff. Good enough for us!

William really liked the pigs. 

On to the apples: we bought our bag to fill and waited for the short tractor wagon ride to the right tree row for the day's picking. Erik and Anna were excited enough by the idea of the tractor ride that they insisted on waiting for a ride, even though walking to the right spot would have been just as fast. William, unfortunately, hated the wagon ride idea. He loves, loves, loves all things trucks, but not big, close, moving ones, apparently. I cuddled him into riding, but we decided to walk back when we were done picking instead of traumatizing him further.

No lasting harm done, William loved eating the apples and exploring the trees, as did his brother and sister. They were all very good at finding just the right apples. The apples themselves were amazing. Very sweet and very, very large. (Somewhere today, I saw a recipe for an apple pie baked in the apple. I think I have the perfect apples if I can only find that recipe!)

Anna, a lover of all berries, was so very excited that Honey Hill had not just apples to pick, but raspberries, too. Just a few days ago, she told me she will be a berry farmer when she grows up. I'm always happy to see how very content all three kids seem when we are out in the natural world, so I wouldn't be surprised if she does indeed do something in the great outdoors.

Of course, between the doughnuts, the apples and the berries we had eaten, we were all very full and very happy by this time. The kids wanted a bit more time to play. William insisted on looking at the pigs and rabbits again. So, we let them get out the wiggles before the ride home. It was a great outing at a wonderful place. Erik wants to go back to see if their apple pie is as good as the donuts, so we will be back, I'm sure.

They are all looking at the camera and smiling. Wow!
 (And could the sky have been any more gorgeous?)

If just being out in a beautiful day at a beautiful place wasn't enough, since returning, Erik has been recreating the orchard in a Lego tableau. As always, his attention to detail is impressive. I think Anna allowed the appropriation of her Lego trees for the scene since she's been busy making a Lego house larger and larger.

Anna and William made short work of the raspberries for lunch today. As always, I think they eat with the most enthusiasm those things they help harvest or prepare.

If I had a bit more time, I would look up pictures of all our annual apple picking outings every year since Erik was a baby. It's become an annual tradition for us and one we all enjoy very much. Yum!

Been farmin' long? 

Cute,
but these guys
were a bit nippy!

Yum! These apples are HUGE!

Erik shows off a rare icky apple. 

Action shot of Erik scaling the hay maze

Picking raspberries. Anna loved this!

Sitting still!

Wearing the right shirt for the occassion

Looking for the queen bee in the hive at the gift shop. 

Goodbye!

September thoughts

September sunshine

September 11th, twelve years ago, was a beautiful day. That first detail is as important as all the others. It was sunny and clear and perfect. And horrible and awful and evil. A dozen years ago already, and yet still a fresh wound for an entire nation. And healing?

I don't have any personal stories of heartbreak for that day beyond what we all shared. Safe in the middle of the country and having no friends or family in New York or Washington, my experience was that of a horrified observer. I did not have to work that day, so I spent a dreadful morning watching hour after hour of television. Seeing the towers collapse. Wondering what was happening. Fearing for what might happen next. Worrying about family members and friends who were not there, but still far from home around the globe. Were they okay? Would any of us be "okay"?

Terrible as that day was, as well as the weeks that followed, there was strength in the brief feeling of national unity. The ubiquitous flag waving has long since disappeared, though, and we are all well aware that national unity seems impossible these days. So, are we simply left with collective grief over lives lost, enemies manifest, and public policy in turmoil?

No.

It is a bittersweet day. It seems sacrilegious to be anything but somber when the calendar approaches "9-11." Those who insist that we "never forget" are right. The memories of those lost must be remembered. Efforts to prevent such terrorism must remain a priority for every nation. I'm not going to personally dress in black, though. I mean no disrespect to those who live through this day reliving profound loss. I simply believe that the best way I can respect those losses is to spend this day in gratitude for the many good things I have experience in these past few years. Twelve years ago, I was a newlywed, a new homeowner, and inexperienced teacher. Today I have been married to my very best friend for 12 years, I have been blessed with three amazing children, and I have been able to work and volunteer in a variety of capacities with people of deep commitment to making this world better.

Today, September 11, 2013 is another beautiful day. It is sunny. The skies here are clear. It is a day of sadness and thankfulness. I have no answers for the evil of the world, but I have more blessings than I can count and a deep gratitude for the good days that outnumber the bad, the good souls who outnumber the bad and a confidence that there is a God who can take the very worst of humanity and make all things good in His perfect timing.

Building together

So here are my kids, being themselves and here's what I take away from September 11, 2011. Thank you, God, for the normal days. Thank you for kids playing together and a husband who works hard to care for his family. Thank you for beautiful fall mornings. Thank you for the public servants who take care of us all, often at great personal risk. Guide us through the dark days, and give us gratitude for the many, many good ones.

Our favorite day: garbage day!

Back to School

Children who would rather go to school than pose for pictures

I was doing so well. This morning was the first day of school. Erik was so excited to be back with his friends. Anna was looking forward to being a kindergartner and going to school every day. Even William seemed happy (but then, he usually is). As a mom, the big kindergarten step isn't too tough when its just a new classroom across the hall from Anna's preschool class. We've been through kindergarten before and know that the teacher and curriculum are wonderful. Anna's been looking forward to being in that room for two years now. So, she had no worries about the new school year and Erik was only annoyed we wouldn't let him run into school the moment we pulled into the lot. No need for tears anywhere, right? It's been a good summer, but we're all ready for a little less togetherness. Bring on the school days!

So, I did great at not being at all snuffly at school. Not one tear shed by anyone in my family on school grounds. Yup, I saved that stuff for myself, at home, putting away my big kindergarten girl's laundry while she was away being all independent and stuff. (Meanwhile, from downstairs, "Maaaa!" says the two year old who has just learned how to open the fridge and freezer and help himself to Popsicles.) So, on with the business of being at home while the big kids are at school. Clean that kitchen -- only halfway -- then marvel that it's already time to pick them up. Already?

All is well. They had a great first morning. Everyone is happy. Everyone can't wait for tomorrow. Homework was even done in the car on the way home! Success! Success! Success!

We're home. We eat a little lunch. I put a small, squirrley toddler to bed and prepare to do some read-aloud time with the older kids. Just in time for summer to end, we finished On the Banks of Plum Creek last Friday. To my delight, they have been fully enjoying Laura Ingalls Wilder's books and wanted to get started with the next one, especially since By the Shores of Silver Lake features traveling by train. Certain 7-year old boys still (and always will) love trains. So, happy day, they want to keep reading historical fiction. Sit right here and lets get to it. Enjoying, enjoying ... and then Chapter Two: "Grown Up." I was just a few lines in when I knew this was not going to end well for me. You know, we preview TV shows, movies, and computer things for content. It's just smart parenting to be sure you know what your kids are going to encounter. It's been a few decades since I read this book, but it was harmless. I was not expecting Mrs. Wilder to throw me an emotional fast ball ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. *** Spoilers *** You know what happens in "Grown Up"? Laura's dog dies. Her beloved dog Jack goes off to the Happy Hunting Grounds just as her family is about to pack up and move yet again. Crud. By the second paragraph I was sniffing, by the third paragraph I was tearing up. Pretty soon my dear children were patting me and saying, "It's okay, Mom." Sigh, well, assuming I haven't scarred them permanently for seeing their mom sob openly over the death of a fictional dog, maybe they will have that much more respect for the power of a well written story. See, it was merely a back-to-school, language arts lesson.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pet my old dog and tell her she can never go to kindergarten.

Some observations of the day

Today's insights into my children's minds:
Erik: "When I'm a train engineer, the only time I'm going to stop driving trains is to come to church. Then I'll go back to the trains." Nice.
Anna: "One of my friends thinks there will be ice cream in heave. I don't think so. There will be pickles! And cheese." Okay.
William: "Hee-hee-hee." That's the sound of him giggling after locking me out when I went outside to fix the downspouts. Sigh.