Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think by Bryan Caplan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The research presented here, mostly culled from twin studies in the western world, provides anxious parents with two important facts. 1) Because so much of who children become is determined by genetics, it makes more sense to relax and enjoy their upbringing instead of trying to cram days full of enriching activities. 2)The usual excuses against having more (or any children) simply don't hold water. Children are healthier, safer, and more affordable(based on parents' real incomes) than they were in "the good old days" so, if you like your kids, and want to up the odds of children and grandchildren being a part of your life in your later years, have more children. Thankfully, the author is not trying to force a certain family size on anyone, simply pointing out that parenting need not be as stressful as we in the western world tend to make it. That's useful advice for parents of any number of children.


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William at play

Fall is my favorite season, and it's so perfect for playing outside. Just ask William who spent his outside time this morning "feeding" and hauling his stuffed animals friends. I love how this boy so adeptly mimics big-people life in his pretend play. He pulled the animals across the yard in the wagon, then gently placed them on the seats of the fort, picked up some Frisbees to fill with mulch and then put them in front of each animal as if it was breakfast time. The puppy dog also got several rides down the slide in William's lap. William's favorite toy tends to change from day to day, although certain critters tend to be requested at nap and bedtime. It's great fun to see him try to carry three large stuffed animals downstairs in the morning. He is a pack rat who loves to carry his stuff around. I'd like to get a picture of the three-animal carry since they do dwarf his little self, but he's very camera aware and will often dart off to his next activity before I can get a good shot. He's a busy one, but so very sweet. 

Orchard day!

We discovered a new favorite orchard on Saturday. The day was beautiful, just perfect for an orchard outing. We decided to try a new place this year since we are always on the hunt for places that are enjoyable for the kids, but not overwhelming in terms of crowds or prices. After a quick online search, we chose Honey Hill Orchard in Waterman. It was wonderful! 

Right off the bat, Erik was happy because our route out took us along Illinois-30, which runs parallel to train tracks the entire way. A few "diggers" here and there made William happy and Anna delighted in pointing out every porch or farm stand with a pumpkin. Arriving happy = day already a success. 

We overshot Waterman Road by a touch since it's one of these crazy roads that have a different name at different places. Unexpectedly, there was no giant sign pointing us in the right direction, and the sign at the farm was just the smallest little painted wooden apple sign. That's okay. We like understated. 

Anna brought Scout, her classroom's pet bear.
This weekend was her turn to bring him home.
He seems to want a piece of her donut!

Because we had already spent our morning in lazy Lego building, it was lunchtime once we arrived. So, we headed straight for the bakery's apple cider doughnuts. Oh. My. Such deliciousness!

Then it was time to check out the fun stuff. I just LOVE the fact that they have a small kids area, but it doesn't cost anything extra. There are two hay mazes and a petting zoo. It's not the buffet of fun that other orchards have, but everyone in our group was happy. Climbing stuff, yummy stuff, and furry stuff. Good enough for us!

William really liked the pigs. 

On to the apples: we bought our bag to fill and waited for the short tractor wagon ride to the right tree row for the day's picking. Erik and Anna were excited enough by the idea of the tractor ride that they insisted on waiting for a ride, even though walking to the right spot would have been just as fast. William, unfortunately, hated the wagon ride idea. He loves, loves, loves all things trucks, but not big, close, moving ones, apparently. I cuddled him into riding, but we decided to walk back when we were done picking instead of traumatizing him further.

No lasting harm done, William loved eating the apples and exploring the trees, as did his brother and sister. They were all very good at finding just the right apples. The apples themselves were amazing. Very sweet and very, very large. (Somewhere today, I saw a recipe for an apple pie baked in the apple. I think I have the perfect apples if I can only find that recipe!)

Anna, a lover of all berries, was so very excited that Honey Hill had not just apples to pick, but raspberries, too. Just a few days ago, she told me she will be a berry farmer when she grows up. I'm always happy to see how very content all three kids seem when we are out in the natural world, so I wouldn't be surprised if she does indeed do something in the great outdoors.

Of course, between the doughnuts, the apples and the berries we had eaten, we were all very full and very happy by this time. The kids wanted a bit more time to play. William insisted on looking at the pigs and rabbits again. So, we let them get out the wiggles before the ride home. It was a great outing at a wonderful place. Erik wants to go back to see if their apple pie is as good as the donuts, so we will be back, I'm sure.

They are all looking at the camera and smiling. Wow!
 (And could the sky have been any more gorgeous?)

If just being out in a beautiful day at a beautiful place wasn't enough, since returning, Erik has been recreating the orchard in a Lego tableau. As always, his attention to detail is impressive. I think Anna allowed the appropriation of her Lego trees for the scene since she's been busy making a Lego house larger and larger.

Anna and William made short work of the raspberries for lunch today. As always, I think they eat with the most enthusiasm those things they help harvest or prepare.

If I had a bit more time, I would look up pictures of all our annual apple picking outings every year since Erik was a baby. It's become an annual tradition for us and one we all enjoy very much. Yum!

Been farmin' long? 

Cute,
but these guys
were a bit nippy!

Yum! These apples are HUGE!

Erik shows off a rare icky apple. 

Action shot of Erik scaling the hay maze

Picking raspberries. Anna loved this!

Sitting still!

Wearing the right shirt for the occassion

Looking for the queen bee in the hive at the gift shop. 

Goodbye!

September thoughts

September sunshine

September 11th, twelve years ago, was a beautiful day. That first detail is as important as all the others. It was sunny and clear and perfect. And horrible and awful and evil. A dozen years ago already, and yet still a fresh wound for an entire nation. And healing?

I don't have any personal stories of heartbreak for that day beyond what we all shared. Safe in the middle of the country and having no friends or family in New York or Washington, my experience was that of a horrified observer. I did not have to work that day, so I spent a dreadful morning watching hour after hour of television. Seeing the towers collapse. Wondering what was happening. Fearing for what might happen next. Worrying about family members and friends who were not there, but still far from home around the globe. Were they okay? Would any of us be "okay"?

Terrible as that day was, as well as the weeks that followed, there was strength in the brief feeling of national unity. The ubiquitous flag waving has long since disappeared, though, and we are all well aware that national unity seems impossible these days. So, are we simply left with collective grief over lives lost, enemies manifest, and public policy in turmoil?

No.

It is a bittersweet day. It seems sacrilegious to be anything but somber when the calendar approaches "9-11." Those who insist that we "never forget" are right. The memories of those lost must be remembered. Efforts to prevent such terrorism must remain a priority for every nation. I'm not going to personally dress in black, though. I mean no disrespect to those who live through this day reliving profound loss. I simply believe that the best way I can respect those losses is to spend this day in gratitude for the many good things I have experience in these past few years. Twelve years ago, I was a newlywed, a new homeowner, and inexperienced teacher. Today I have been married to my very best friend for 12 years, I have been blessed with three amazing children, and I have been able to work and volunteer in a variety of capacities with people of deep commitment to making this world better.

Today, September 11, 2013 is another beautiful day. It is sunny. The skies here are clear. It is a day of sadness and thankfulness. I have no answers for the evil of the world, but I have more blessings than I can count and a deep gratitude for the good days that outnumber the bad, the good souls who outnumber the bad and a confidence that there is a God who can take the very worst of humanity and make all things good in His perfect timing.

Building together

So here are my kids, being themselves and here's what I take away from September 11, 2011. Thank you, God, for the normal days. Thank you for kids playing together and a husband who works hard to care for his family. Thank you for beautiful fall mornings. Thank you for the public servants who take care of us all, often at great personal risk. Guide us through the dark days, and give us gratitude for the many, many good ones.

Our favorite day: garbage day!

Back to School

Children who would rather go to school than pose for pictures

I was doing so well. This morning was the first day of school. Erik was so excited to be back with his friends. Anna was looking forward to being a kindergartner and going to school every day. Even William seemed happy (but then, he usually is). As a mom, the big kindergarten step isn't too tough when its just a new classroom across the hall from Anna's preschool class. We've been through kindergarten before and know that the teacher and curriculum are wonderful. Anna's been looking forward to being in that room for two years now. So, she had no worries about the new school year and Erik was only annoyed we wouldn't let him run into school the moment we pulled into the lot. No need for tears anywhere, right? It's been a good summer, but we're all ready for a little less togetherness. Bring on the school days!

So, I did great at not being at all snuffly at school. Not one tear shed by anyone in my family on school grounds. Yup, I saved that stuff for myself, at home, putting away my big kindergarten girl's laundry while she was away being all independent and stuff. (Meanwhile, from downstairs, "Maaaa!" says the two year old who has just learned how to open the fridge and freezer and help himself to Popsicles.) So, on with the business of being at home while the big kids are at school. Clean that kitchen -- only halfway -- then marvel that it's already time to pick them up. Already?

All is well. They had a great first morning. Everyone is happy. Everyone can't wait for tomorrow. Homework was even done in the car on the way home! Success! Success! Success!

We're home. We eat a little lunch. I put a small, squirrley toddler to bed and prepare to do some read-aloud time with the older kids. Just in time for summer to end, we finished On the Banks of Plum Creek last Friday. To my delight, they have been fully enjoying Laura Ingalls Wilder's books and wanted to get started with the next one, especially since By the Shores of Silver Lake features traveling by train. Certain 7-year old boys still (and always will) love trains. So, happy day, they want to keep reading historical fiction. Sit right here and lets get to it. Enjoying, enjoying ... and then Chapter Two: "Grown Up." I was just a few lines in when I knew this was not going to end well for me. You know, we preview TV shows, movies, and computer things for content. It's just smart parenting to be sure you know what your kids are going to encounter. It's been a few decades since I read this book, but it was harmless. I was not expecting Mrs. Wilder to throw me an emotional fast ball ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. *** Spoilers *** You know what happens in "Grown Up"? Laura's dog dies. Her beloved dog Jack goes off to the Happy Hunting Grounds just as her family is about to pack up and move yet again. Crud. By the second paragraph I was sniffing, by the third paragraph I was tearing up. Pretty soon my dear children were patting me and saying, "It's okay, Mom." Sigh, well, assuming I haven't scarred them permanently for seeing their mom sob openly over the death of a fictional dog, maybe they will have that much more respect for the power of a well written story. See, it was merely a back-to-school, language arts lesson.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pet my old dog and tell her she can never go to kindergarten.

Some observations of the day

Today's insights into my children's minds:
Erik: "When I'm a train engineer, the only time I'm going to stop driving trains is to come to church. Then I'll go back to the trains." Nice.
Anna: "One of my friends thinks there will be ice cream in heave. I don't think so. There will be pickles! And cheese." Okay.
William: "Hee-hee-hee." That's the sound of him giggling after locking me out when I went outside to fix the downspouts. Sigh.

Quotes of the day

Quotes of the day (all before 8:30 a.m.)

"Anna, you're an artist of butter! It's like a real painting!" -- Erik, describing Anna's post-pancake breakfast fork and plate art.

"I don't want a walrus for a pet. They're too blubbery." -- Anna

William would have something to say, too, if he wasn't so busy sneaking off to the bathroom to treat his brother and sister's toothpaste and toothbrushes like a sweets' table. Eww. Those candy and fruit flavors are apparently too difficult to resist.

You might be a Lutheran if...

On most Sunday nights, Jamieson makes pizza. He has mastered the art of homemade dough and we have a family love affair with Weyauwega Cheese (and, frankly, anything that comes from the enormous dairy aisle at Woodman's). Last week, the dough wasn't in top form since our yeast apparently died. Yesterday, new yeast did the trick. Jamieson peeked at the dough when we came in from an afternoon of yard work and said, "That dough is really risen." To which I said the only thing a Lutheran girl can say a week after Easter: "It is risen, indeed!"

Looking for the thrill

A few weeks ago, a blog post, titled "Let's Bring the Holidays Down A Notch" caught the eye of many of my friends in Facebook-land because it voiced feelings so many of us have about kids and celebrations. Every last one of us loves doing fun stuff with our families, but the expectations to have Pinterest-worthy holidays and contribute time, money, crafts and/ or food to FUN events at school almost every stinkin' week is a wee bit overwhelming. Now as the Easter-candy hangovers start to wear off, everyone is once again swearing off sweets, toys and projects. Except that June, July and August are coming and it's time to plan a magical, activity filled summer break right now!

Exhausting, isn't it?

The consensus seems to be that we keep over entertaining our kids because we, the parents, love it. We are addicted to that moment when the kids come down the stairs and see what "Santa" left, or the thrill of going to school because it's a party day, or whatever the magic moment of the month may be. Thanks to a highly-commercial culture, the easiest way to get that guaranteed spark of childhood joy is to buy it. Buy a new toy; buy 100 eggs to hide around the house; buy into the idea that every kid needs an Etsy-worthy craft to bring home from the party. The problem is that we parent type have to keep working harder and harder to make these magical moments happen. How do we give them joy -- how do we give ourselves joy -- without creating greedy little monsters and a very empty bank account?

Since seeing that blog post, I've been more conscious of looking for the thrill. I am not gifted in the art of being a hostess, so I will never be able to present my family with any "perfect" celebrations. My children are normal human beings; they would love to have the toys, the parties, the stuff that they know other kids have. On the other hand, they aren't totally jaded yet, and I'm trying to see the moments where they burst with happiness over something simple. Then I can mentally bank those times to remember when our celebration days are more low-key than the events happening in other houses.

So here's what I've got this week. These are moments that are just as good as Christmas morning. In fact, they were unexpected, so maybe they were just a bit better:

• "Baby plants!" I have yet to hear Anna shriek about any present the way she does when spring finally comes and those little green shoots start poking up. I couldn't have hidden an Easter eggs as well as God hides the seeds and bulbs that give her such a thrill this time of year. What's even better is that she's out looking every day and it's just as exciting to see a new plant grow taller as it is to see its first peek out of the ground. 



Doing a little gardening:
A broken rake outside is currently more fun for
William than any new toys inside. 

• Bubbles: This morning William and I took a break from putting down mulch and vacuuming out the van to blow some bubbles. There isn't much on earth as cheerful as watching a toddler happily screeching and chasing bubbles. Since he hasn't figured out how to blow bubbles without my help, I think I'm getting points for doing something pretty amazing. 
• "Cool." The reason my kids hate shopping with me is my tendency to seek out every clearance item in a store. I have three growing kids, so buying a $3 off-season, too-big shirt makes a lot of sense to me. The payoff, beyond the pocketbook, is sometimes finding just the right item to get a smile. Yesterday I happened upon a cheap, red (large) T-shirt. It was goofy: marshmallows on a cocoa mug jumping in and shouting, "Cannonball!" Red and silly seemed a perfect buy for Erik. I put it on his bed and told him later in the day to take a peek at what I found for him. He did, laughed and said, "Cool." It was a simple, but honest reaction. The odds of getting joy from a clothing purchase when a Christmas or birthday present is involved are minimal, but I had a moment of satisfaction for being able to clothe my oldest child in a way that made him happy. 

So, there you have it. Nothing spectacular. Nothing to rock the Internet with my profound insights on parenting. And yet enough simple joy of getting it right as a mom, for just a moment, by being with them and seeing what makes them happy. (For cheap!!!)

Doing it right!

Kudos to the First Years company for standing behind their product. Not surprisingly, my darling toddler and his razor-sharp new teeth managed to tear through one of their soft-spout sippy cups. I contacted the company to see if I could buy a replacement lid. They kindly send me an entire replacement cup. I was told "just this once" but still, that's wonderful. It was a favorite cup and now it can live on. For now. Anyway, thanks First Years!

Square peg; round hole? Make a bigger hole!

You know those old Fisher Price shape sorting toys? Do an online search for "vintage shape sorter" and you'll see what I mean. It's the yellow cylinder with a lid that has three holes for shapes. Babies are supposed to develop sorting skills and hand-eye coordination by popping the a plastic shape into the matching hole.  Well, two weeks in a row, my dear precocious 18-month old son has used that very toy at our library. (We have a similar toy at home, but everyone knows that the toys at someone else's house -- or library -- are much more interesting.) Either when he encounters the a pile of shapes left by another child or when I hand a shape to him and ask him which hole it goes into, he simply pries off the lid, dumps the shape or shapes into the can and clicks the lid back on. Done. Next toy, please.

You have to give him credit for problem solving a more efficient way to get the job done. Someday, he's either going to be a brilliant student or we're going to get a lot of calls from teachers. Or both.

(By the way, this same "toddler" is becoming infamous for sneaking into his siblings' classes. So he will be well known to teachers by the time he legitimately attends these classes -- and can verbalize his preferred way to do the assignments.)

Sniff, sniff, giggle!

Complete surprise of the day: William loves the NoseFrida! Most of us have colds this week, which means trying to find the most soothing means to calm children who don't have time or interest in such silliness. Dealing with a drippy baby is never fun, but when William had RSV last year we were desperate to ease his sniffles and found the icky, but effective, NoseFrida. (Look it up!) Not surprisingly, he found it as appalling as we did ... until last night. I had misplaced the thing, but when Jamieson relocated it, he didn't run. Instead, he was curious. To my complete surprise, he now finds it to be the funniest thing ever. He loves it. Do you know how hard it is to clean the nose of a child who is laughing? Difficult, but entertaining!