One of the worst aspects of modern parenting is the keeping up with the Joneses, especially since many-a Mama Jones tends to post her offsprings' most stellar moments on ye olde social media all the time. While I objectively know that my children do not need a full social calendar and in fact thrive on down time, it takes superhuman momma effort to keep reminding myself that just because the Chicago Parent weekend calendar is bursting with things to do this weekend, we do not need to attend one single event. There will be no parenting penalty for failing to provide cultural stimulation to all three children every single week. There are no guarantees that any of the children will get a scholarship or even attend a four-year private university if we sign them up for season-after-season of sports and activities. There is no magic number of grade school playdates that will assure a vibrant social life in later school years. There's even proof for this. Ever read or watched Freakonomics? If the research is to be believed, Jamieson and I have already set the kids on their life path. Now we just have to keep them fed and in clean clothes.
At the park |
of them had not been about Scooby-Doo, but that's another issue.) All three kids gleefully read books all the way home. We stopped at a favorite park to play. We read at home, where I was told how much they love books. We had some quiet time. When friends came home from school, the kids spent at least two hours playing outside with their buddies. When I had to ask Erik a question, he was in the midst of debating whether he was or was not "it." No adults were mediating the game. At any one time, there can be at least 14 kids playing outside on our cul-de-sac. All I need to do to get my kids some physical fitness time is open the door after school or on a weekend. No fees to pay. No calendars to consult. It's the kind of childhood we often hear lamented as some relic of a lost time. My children have it to enjoy every day and I'm fretting that it's not quite enough. Silly mom. Seems like it will be a perfect summer after all.
A stress-free, open calendar of do what you want when you want to in the summer is the best!! You are free to take picnics and bike rides, zoo visits, library visits, parks....it's something the kids long for ALL YEAR! They don't say, "gee, I wish I had practice every night" instead they say "I can't wait for our summer picnics, mom!". I'm like you, Chris. When moms all around me have signed their children up for 50 different sports/activities a year and my kid took track and foreign language after school at best, it makes me feel....inadequate somehow. But time with them is so much more important. Because, let's face it, how important is it for the kids to start their sports career at 5? How many of those kids are going to make their living off that sport? Not saying that the joiners have it wrong, just that it's OK to live a quiet family life :) Social media is only showing you the best moments of everyone else's lives. There is no fair comparison and anyway, comparing our lives to our friends' lives is the thief of joy. You are a GREAT mom, and I admire you SO very much. And that's my 2 cents, for what it's worth ;)
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you! As my children get older, 5th grade being my oldest now, I feel tremendous pressure to have them "well adjusted" for middle school…by having them well-rounded from all types of sports and activities. "What if they want to play sports, and I have not enrolled them in enough summer leagues, etc, to get their skills on par with their peers?" "What if I should have put more effort into summer reading clubs, and now their reading suffers in middle school?" "What if they haven't had enough socializing experience with their peers (because of all the classes in which I did NOT enroll them), and now they suffer socially in middle school?"
ReplyDeleteReally, I don't think I will ever be able to stop second guessing and agonizing over my parenting decisions, no matter what stage of life my children are experiencing. New grade levels brings new angst.
Thank you for writing this, it makes me feel like I am not alone in my lack of summer scheduling! Someone else feels as I do.